Things I do / have done because of boys

I wear my watch on my right wrist even though I'm right-handed.
(I had a crush on a boy in my middle school science class who was left-handed and wore his watch on his right wrist. It's become a habit now.)

I run with my fists clenched a certain way because of a boy I had a crush on in high school who I thought had a sexy run.

I play guitar.
(someone I fell in love with played and when we stopped talking I started playing so I could play for myself instead of hoping someone else would play for me)

My sheets have squares on them because a boy I liked said that was his favorite shape. I was thinking of him when I bought new sheets.

I still have a soft spot for R & B music because my first boyfriend was WAY into it and used to sing it to me.

I drink coffee every morning.
(My dad always had coffee in the morning and let me sip it)

As a kid, I took karate and played baseball with my brother.
(The karate was more for Ralph Macchio than my brother)

I listen to Radiohead.
(A boy I liked played it for me when we were in a class together and I was hooked)

I lost confidence in myself and distrusted men I felt close to.
(EN, DV)

I regained confidence and remembered how amazing it is to have great guy friends.
(JC, JS, TP, TW, CC, CF, BS)

9...i'm sorta obsessed

09 Missy.mp3 - song sent to me today from a boy i haven't heard from in forever

9.9.79 - my bday

9.9.09 - my 30th

9th of October - my parents' anniversary

9 Jolinda Smithson - player number on the list from my new touch football team captain, sent today as well

9th track - many times my favorite song of the album

more later....

why can't i?

do the things on my list
like update my website
or apply for new jobs
or look for new clients

give up or cut back on
muffins and scones
coffee
thinkin about dudes

make more art
draw
sculpt
paint

wake up before 9
10
11
12

go to bed before 11
12
1
2

i'm not fighting it anymore
but it would be nice
to make progress

sometimes