Supposedly I have a twin

Judge for yourself.
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And she also has my birthday. 3 years older according to wiki.


(insert creepy sci-fi sound effect here)

Tax day!

I start the day with a bit of an afterglow from yesterday.
With butterflies in my stomach, I write to a cute boy to ask if he'd like to chuck a discus sometime.

But that quickly disintegrates into a low level panic.

Tax day.
I don't know where my W2's are.
I need to file an extension.
Don't know how.
And numbers and me have not been cool since 8th grade.
Can't worry about this yet.

My second client meeting with an amazing band is at 2pm.
I need to assemble my portfolio and samples.
Trying to decide what to bring.
Need to go get things printed out.
Running out of time.
Worried about how the meeting will go.
And this dang rain!

I get there early but I feel sick and can't eat. And I take a few deep breaths.
And they all come in. And it feels like I'm about to be judged or picked apart.
But we start talking and it goes well.
And I think the portfolio looks pretty good despite all the faults I see in it.
I'm feeling better about this now.
We trade ideas and vision and a deposit is made.
And we move forward with the project. EEEEeeeee!!!!!
First independent client ever. Whoa.
Still in shock.

Go to another meeting and pick up some missing tax paperwork.

And a nice boy sends sweet texts to me and encouraging words when he finds out I had a successful day.
And then I can't do ANY real work the rest of the day I am so distracted.
I call my mom.
I come home and dance off some of that energy while listening to The Kills.
And the boy tells me he's had a lovely day because of a song. A cover of "Where is my Mind" by the Pixies.
He sounds awesome already.

I try to settle down and attend to my taxes finally.
I know I'm in trouble, but I try to fill out what I can.
I wonder if I just make up numbers for an extension if that's punishable by fines or jail time.
In the midst of thinking about my possible criminal record, my phone rings.
It's my accountant calling to say she filed an extension for me on Monday.
Holy effing yes.

Trying to get back to work and I find an email from a hometown friend who wants me to meet with her boss next week about redesigning their business logo and identity. Another potential client.

Tonight a different boy calls my voicemail to say he's sorry we can't hang out because he's got too much work.
He says he wants to hear my voice so I call him back and it's a nice talk.
He says he misses me and wishes he could see me.
And I don't know if that's true but it's nice of him to say in any case.
But jobs are more important to him than people. And I don't feel that way. So it probably won't work.

And I have a ton of work to do now. While listening to Ray LaMontagne.
It has been a surprisingly amazing though rainy and dreary tax day.

Still holding out hope that the discus boy will say yes....

what i should have done and what i did

I should have:
stayed home to clean
done my taxes
prepped my portfolio for a meeting tomorrow
worked on getting some more jobs

However, instead, I:
went to the show
talked to my crush
drank a bit too much
looked him in the eye and crushed a bit harder
had an amazing night

Cambodia, you're so lucky.

don't waste your time

My friends today have advised against patience.
They have told me to not waste time on someone who doesn't seem to have a genuine interest or who is sending mixed signals.

If you are interested in someone you make time for them. Period.
I'm tired of feeling confused.
So I will try to devote energy elsewhere.


And that makes me sad.

I have happiness in my heart

Drawing and painting over the last few days has really refreshed my spirit.
I am supposed to be doing this.
But I've let so much other crap get in the way.

I have started a project just drawing and painting close friends.
After that, who knows what's next.
2 down, 9 to go.