A year ago...

I ended things with someone.

Over the last 3 months, he has been "around" and in touch more often. It seems like he's made some changes in areas...in other areas, not really.
 
So weird how people seem to have connections that don't fade over time.

There have been some shows, some platonic hangouts with friends, a couple of meals. It's bizarre sometimes, uncomfortable sometimes, natural other times and even creeps toward awesome at times.

Caution lights in my head.

And then there's the part of me that's so not into giving any time to anyone at all. Wanting to focus on art and work. Getting those things to a place that is what I consider successful and growing.

That's not super hard considering many fellas I've met out are interested in tonight...but not much else. So, I normally spend my evenings alone.

And then there are the adorable dudes I run into who eventually ask my age when I mention how long it's been since I graduated VCU or how long I've lived in Richmond. And ask me what I'm looking for in a guy. And want to know all about what I do and where I'm from and give me hope that someday there will be a dude who is most of what I'm looking for in a guy.

Wow, random.

Kiln casting spring 2011 - piece 2

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Crushes...

I'm ready to have those again.
Just wish the past would stay in the past and not keep resurfacing.

Signs

• his ex calls him all the time and he tells you, "no, we were good friends before so..." and constantly defends talking to her so much
• when you hang out with his friends, they offer him drugs and he turns them down to their great surprise
• you meet a sibling for the first time and all they can talk about is how awful the previous girlfriend was
• on your first major holiday together, he leaves you feverish, severely ill and alone because his family doesn't want you around because they want it to be "just family"
• you have to be rushed to the emergency room for an injury, and the dude visits a record store to pick up something before coming to be with you
• he talks about marriage, kids, future...but can't seem to ever wake up on time to go with you to visit your parents 

So...

Are moms the new girlfriends?

Why do dudes want to be taken care of instead of spreading their wings and working to stand on their own?

Why does it seem that a guy would rather have a mom-girlfriend or mom-wife instead of equal partner?

How can a grown man feel ok and still be living under the same roof as his mom?

She's washing your stained sheets, doing all of your dishes, buying you groceries, making your food, buying you clothes, cleaning up after you...and you're OK with this!

Man, I swear I'd give up some women's rights if these guys could step the fuck up.

lessons learned

It's been a while since I posted.
Gonna try and reflect on the lessons learned over the past few months.

• don't put plans on hold for a dude. he may not be moving at the same speed you are.
• if there's a lie...there's probably plenty more where that came from. move on.
• follow your intuitions
• make changes sooner rather than later
• take each day for what it is and don't make lofty future plans. if things end, it won't be as devastating.
• give everything you've got. maybe he's not worth it, but it's good practice for the right one.

8.19

it's been 5 months.

so unbelievable.