June 19, 2004 I got married.
On a Tuesday in May, 2006 I walked out of my house in Chesterfield County.
I never went back to live there.
September 12, 2007, my divorce was final.
(I just looked up this stuff because I had to submit paperwork to roll over some 401(k) moneys from my teaching job back when my last name was different.)
I am going to be 30 in 2 months.
I am the brokest I've ever been.
I have been single for the longest time in my life since before I liked boys.
I don't own a home.
I don't have kids.
And I'm not sure I want to ever get married again.
I don't do certain things very often that I used to feel obligated to....
church
exercise
brushing my hair
calling my mother
using an alarm clock
working 40+ hours every week
grocery shopping
I feel really selfish about my time and energy and emotions most of the time.
And I'm starting to be okay with that.
My compass used to be set based on my parents, or church, or career, or friends.
But now I mostly operate based on this question...
Do I want to?
Not:
Is it right?
Is it wrong?
What will "they" think?
How will "they" feel?
What am I supposed to do?
I still have a pretty strong internal voice that keeps me on track with my responsibilities and with big moral and ethical issues. And I'd like to think that I'm able to give adequate time and energy to the people I really care about.
But I'm trying to let go of the small stuff.
The things I'm hanging onto because someone else thought I should.
